Are You Ready? A One-Act Play
I wrote a one-act play that was produced in 2014 by Redwood Writers and 6th Street Playhouse in Santa Rosa. What an exhilarating experience that collaboration was! In drafting my next newsletter, I mentioned an unusual behavior that I share with one of the characters in the play. The real-life motivations for my behavior and the motivations for the fictional character are very different, as are the respective life circumstances. I'll share the story behind that mannerism in the newsletter, which will go out to subscribers on Nov. 3, 2021.
Are You Ready?
Characters:
Charlie: A man in his early forties, fastidious about cleanliness and order, married to Kim
Kim: A woman in her late thirties, impulsive, disorganized, married to Charlie
Setting:Charlie and Kim’s home
(AT RISE: Kim waits in the car for Charlie, who said he's be right out. They're supposed to attend a birthday barbeque for their nephew today. Meanwhile, Charlie putters in the house. Tired of waiting, Kim returns inside.)
KIM
What's going on, Charlie? I've been waiting for five minutes.
(She plunks her purse on the table and plops in a chair.)
CHARLIE
Go back out; I'll be right there.
(Charlie lifts a bag of garbage from the can.)
KIM
You're obviously not ready to go if you're taking the garbage out. Do you have any idea how hot it gets in a vehicle in the midday sun? And making me wait like that in the driveway, of all places? It's so thoughtless.
CHARLIE
You haven't been waiting that long, maybe a minute, two at most. Go on, this will just take a sec.
(Charlie exits with the bag of garbage. Kim gets up, walks to a cabinet, pulls out a new garbage bag and puts it in the can. She leaves the cabinet door ajar. Charlie returns.)
CHARLIE
Thanks, but let me finish that, love.
(Kim steps away from the can. Charlie fiddles with it until it's just the way he wants it.)
KIM
Are you ready to go now?
CHARLIE
Yeah.
(He picks up his keys, starts walking toward the front door, but then notices she left the cabinet door ajar.)
Do you see that, Kim?
(He points to the door.)
KIM
What, Charlie?
CHARLIE
The cabinet door.
(He walks over and closes it.)
You left it wide open.
KIM
It wasn't wide open. It was ajar a teeny bit, maybe half an inch, if that.
CHARLIE
The point is you didn't close it.
KIM
It was a little crack—not a big deal.
CHARLIE
Did you know you left the back door open, too?
KIM
The back door? I closed it this morning after I went out to water the roses.
CHARLIE
No, you didn't. … You have to pull real hard. The clay soil around the house is always shifting, so now the door doesn't latch if you don't pull hard. I've told you that before.
KIM
So, it wasn't actually open, then; it just wasn't closed all the way.
CHARLIE
What would that matter to a thief trying to break in?
KIM
We don't have break-ins here, and you know it.
CHARLIE
Every neighborhood has break-ins, Kim.
KIM
When was the last time there was any crime around here, Charlie? Do you know?
CHARLIE
Can't say for sure, but I'd bet it wasn't long ago.
KIM
It was fifteen years, and that was just some teenager who stole his mom's car for a joyride.
CHARLIE
Is that so?
(He walks out of the room again)
KIM
Where are you going now?
CHARLIE
(Calls from off stage)
I forgot to check the spare room.
KIM
Oh for Christ's sake. At this rate, we'll never get out of here.
(Kim walks to the refrigerator, opens the door, pulls out a bottle of iced tea, lets go of the door and sits back down at the table. She opens the drink and takes a chug. Charlie returns, sees her with the drink.)
CHARLIE
Did you just get that out?
KIM
Yeah. So?
CHARLIE
(Charlie walks to the refrigerator and inspects it.)
Come here a sec, Kim.
KIM
Why?
CHARLIE
I need to show you something.
KIM
What is it now?
(She sighs, puts down the drink and walks to the refrigerator.)
CHARLIE
See how the door is sticking out here just a little bit? It doesn't close automatically. You have to push it in.
KIM
Most of the time it closes just fine by itself. I don't know why it didn't this time.
CHARLIE
It never closes just fine by itself, Kim.
KIM
Yes, it does. Most of the time it does.
CHARLIE
Well, maybe the door closes just fine occasionally, but you have to push it every time just in case.
KIM
Would you please just stop this?
CHARLIE
The cold escapes if it's not sealed, so the motor has to work extra hard.
KIM
Okay, okay. I'll push it closed even though 99.9 percent of the time it closes fully on its own. There. Happy now?
CHARLIE
You're not going to do it, are you.
KIM
Could we just get going?
CHARLIE
We should put a sticky note on the fridge, you know, to remind you.
KIM
Seriously?
CHARLIE
(He rummages through a drawer.)
I could of sworn we had some Post-Its in here.
KIM
Chill out, will you?… I have some Post-Its in my purse. If you want to write a note, write a note.
(She rummages through her purse, doesn't see them, grows frustrated and dumps the contents on the table. A few things fall on the floor.)
Ah, here they are.
(She holds up the Post-Its.)
CHARLIE
(He rushes over and picks up the fallen items and puts them on the table, then takes the Post-Its from Kim)
Thanks, babe.
KIM
Just write the stupid note so we can get out the door.
CHARLIE
(He prints “PUSH DOOR CLOSED” on the note and slaps it on the refrigerator door.)
There!
KIM
Now, are you ready to go?
(She grabs her purse and walks toward the door.)
If I'm ready to face this party, you ought to be, too.
CHARLIE
Um, Kim, don't you think you should at least put your wallet back in?
KIM
Oh, oh, yeah. Guess I was in a rush.
(She returns to the table, starts throwing things back in.)
CHARLIE
Slow down, hon. When was the last time you went through all that garbage you're carrying around to see if you really need it?
(He grabs a crunched up receipt)
Look, this is from Safeway. Three months ago!
(He tosses it in the air.)
And what's this doing in here?
(He holds up a half-eaten Luna bar.)
KIM
Oh, come on. Stop being so … so impossible, will you? I'll sort it out when we get home.
CHARLIE
Do we have to go?
KIM
We should at least stop in. It's Billy's fourth birthday — our favorite nephew, by the way. He'll be over the moon if we go.
CHARLIE
But all those kids, you know, tearin' around, laughin' like there's no care in the world. … They ask questions, too. They don't have filters like we do.
KIM
Oh, Charlie.
CHARLIE
Why do you do it anyway?
KIM
What?
CHARLIE
You never used to, you know.
KIM
Used to what?
CHARLIE
Leave things open all the time.
KIM
You mean like the cabinets?
CHARLIE
And the doors, and the windows.
KIM
What windows? I haven't left any windows open.
CHARLIE
The bathroom window was wide open just now. Why do you think I wait 'til you get out the door before doing a final check on the house? If you've been in a room even for a minute, I have to check it again.
KIM
You realize you're OCD now or something worse, don't you?
CHARLIE
But your behavior makes no sense. When we met, no one was more together than you. You kept me in line, remember?
KIM
No, Charlie, I've never been together, and you've always been anal. You've gotten worse, though.
CHARLIE
You didn't leave doors and windows and drawers open. You didn't. Why now?
KIM
Cut me some slack, Charlie. I never ask why you've become organized way beyond reason.
CHARLIE
That's different. You've changed, Kim. Why? Why leave everything open?
KIM
I don't know, okay? I haven't given it any thought. What difference does it make?
CHARLIE
It's freaking me out. There must be a reason.
KIM
Um, I … don't … really … think … there is.
CHARLIE
Are you sure?
KIM
Yeah … I am.
CHARLIE
Absolutely certain?
KIM
Well … now that I think about it. …
(She sits back down)
It's going to sound crazy … but I think I'm leaving things open for Miranda … in case she wants to come back, see what I'm up to. She was always by my side, had to see every little thing, remember? Especially in the kitchen. She had to poke around, pull all the pots and pans out, put them back in. And she loved to stand on that little stepstool and watch me cook, especially scrambled eggs, oh how she loved to see them change as I scraped that spoon around the pan! Sometimes I let her help me stir, remember?
CHARLIE
Kim, Kimmie, Kim …
(He joins her at the table)
KIM
You do remember, don't you, Charlie?
CHARLIE
You know Miranda's never coming back.
KIM
Yes … yes, of course.
CHARLIE
Well then, are you trying to torture me?
KIM
You're the one who asked. Not wanting to close Miranda out is just what came to mind. … Maybe a person can know something, I mean, you can know what the facts are, know they're indisputable, but somewhere inside, you just don't really believe it. Is that possible?
CHARLIE
I guess anything's possible … except, my love … our daughter is never coming back.
KIM
I didn't mean to do it, you know.
CHARLIE
It was my fault. I was supposed to be watching her.
KIM
But I should have been paying attention. It just never occurred to me that
(She begins to cry)
CHARLIE
You did nothing wrong.
(He reaches across the table, puts his hand on hers.)
There's no way you could have seen her right at the back wheel.
KIM
I killed my own child, Charlie. I backed the car right over her.
CHARLIE
It's my fault, not yours.
KIM
Don't say that. You're just trying to make me feel better. It won't work.
(She pulls her hand away.)
CHARLIE
No, it's the truth.
(He gets up and begins to pace the floor.)
I said I'd watch her, but I didn't, Kim. I didn't do what I promised … It didn't happen like I said. I didn't just get distracted for a moment. I wasn't keeping an eye on her. I was stacking her wooden blocks on the shelf instead … I didn't see her leave the room because I turned my back on her and told her to go pick up her stuffed animals in the living room. I was angry because she griped about helping me straighten up. … She was only two years old, twenty-four months ... I wanted her to act like a little adult.
KIM
Oh, Charlie, Charlie, love. You weren't a perfect parent. Neither was I. Nobody is. You didn't know she could open the front door. She'd never done it before. … Come back here, will you?
CHARLIE
(He sits back down)
I thought she was safe.
KIM
So did I. But we were wrong, and we'll never be able to do it over. … I keep asking, why did I decide to go to the mall right then? Why didn't I take Miranda along? I usually did, and she loved to go. … Why was being alone for a couple hours so important to me? … We're both full of regrets. Maybe we'll never really be right again. Maybe we'll have to live each day with the unbearable slapping us in the face over and over. We didn't just lose our only child; we both had a hand in killing her, but we didn't mean to. We didn't mean to, Charlie.
CHARLIE
Can you ever forgive me, Kim?
KIM
Can you forgive me?
CHARLIE
Oh, Kimmie, I already have. … I think forgiving ourselves will be the hard part.
KIM
We don't have to go to the party. I can call and say it's too soon. I've been pushing too hard, haven't I. They'll understand. There'll be other birthdays, other parties.
CHARLIE
It's been over a year. Everyone says we should move on, try to put it behind us.
KIM
True.
CHARLIE
And we've gotten so out of touch with our family, with little Billy. … I keep forgetting he and Mianda would squeal with glee whenever they saw each other. … He lost a cousin, and now he's losing us.
KIM
What are you saying, Charlie?
CHARLIE
Maybe you're not pushing too hard.
KIM
They grow up so fast, don't they.
CHARLIE
Yes, my dear, they do.
KIM
I don't want our life to just be a series of missed chances from now on, you know?
CHARLIE
We could brave it then, couldn't we, and maybe not stay too long, like you said?
KIM
We could … but I'm not going out first. I'm not waiting for you to check everything one last time. I need you to walk out the door with me. And I don't mean just for today. Can you do that?
CHARLIE
I can try, my love. I can try.
(He stands. She stands too.)
KIM
Okay, then. Let's go.
(They lock arms and walk out the door together.)
THE END
I'll publish this play, along with three or four other one-act plays that have also been produced, in a little book one of these days. What do you think?